Over the hump

By Geralyn L. Cruz

Back in 2007, I was one of thousands of unemployed fresh college graduates. I may not remember now how many companies I applied to from June to October of that year, but I will never forget how I felt.

Having gone to one of the most expensive and also one of the best business schools in the country, I was expected to land a job soon after graduation. It did not happen that way. It took four grueling months of exams, initial and final interviews and false hopes before I started working.

It is not because no job was being offered to me. I had been offered an attractive position as a hedge fund analyst in a multinational company in the Makati business district in July that year. I signed the contract, but after 12 hours of reflection I withdrew my application.

Business process outsourcing companies also called, but out of pride, I refused their offers. I dreaded the stories about call center agents being cursed by their foreign customers. An international bank also made me an offer that my schoolmates would have killed for because of the prestige and the high pay, but I also turned it down.

Jobless, I could not afford any form of paid luxury — not even a movie ticket. From 55 kilos, my weight dropped to 45. The situation was not just depressing; there was also shame and embarrassment.

Then came October of 2007. A petroleum company invited me for an interview. I was hired two weeks later.

I got all the necessary clearances from the neighborhood district council, police and National Bureau of Investigation. The lines were long enough to make me aware of the life stories of other people around me. One guy was trying to get an NBI clearance so he could go abroad. Another was applying just in case he could find a job opening.

I was proud to tell my friends and the world that I had been hired by a local petroleum company, although I was clueless what exactly the position of business development assistant entailed.

A year after I was hired, I was promoted to officer level. But even before that, I was already complaining and thinking of resigning. I had drafted three resignation letters, but every time I would turn on the TV or read the papers I would be reminded about a looming recession and the increasing number of unemployed. I planned to resign, but I didn’t know what I would do next. I did not want to rejoin the ranks of the unemployed.

It became clear to me that I was going through the “quarter-life crisis” usually experienced by twentysomethings like me. I had big dreams when I left the university, and when I came face to face with reality, I was disappointed. I had to go to work without a car, I earned way less than what our college instructors told us we would be earning, and I was not even applying anything I learned in the university.

I was frustrated. Slowly I was becoming more and more an “ordinary” worker, slaving for the profit of others. I was tired of the complaints, of the pressure, of not having weekends and holidays. I was burned out. I was close to being brain dead.

I took a leave of absence to think about things, to reflect. At the start of the year, I told my manager I wanted to transfer to another unit. All the while I had completely forgotten my plan to take graduate studies and perhaps earn an MBA.

I feel sad that I could not find a sponsor to assist in paying for my tuition in the school where I wanted to enroll, although I find a great deal of excitement in looking for a school that would suit my needs.

As part of my effort to recover from burn out, I enrolled in a gym so I would not keep complaining to my friends which they found stressing. I started looking for a business school to replace hunting for a new employer. And I took vacations instead of taking unnecessary leaves of absence.

I have learned that resignation may be the fastest way of escaping from the things we do not want in the company we work for, but no company is ever perfect. There will always be people who are irritating, uncontrollably bossy or thoroughly submissive in the workplace. However, these characters are the ones who also contribute to the identity of the company; they are the reason we hate it and love it so much.

“Sometimes we only stick with a company because of the people,” someone told me once. That is absolutely true. No matter how much we hate other employees and the jobs we hold, we find it difficult to leave our officemates who would become our friends and later our ‘kumares’ and ‘kumpares.’ They are the ones who console us when we are feeling down and stressed. They are also the ones who push us to do whatever we want.

Two weeks from now I will be moving from sales to the human resource department. It is what I have always wanted secretly. I am excited about the move and everything else that will follow. I am excited about getting into business school. I am excited about this career move, as people call it.

Geralyn L. Cruz, 23, works for a local petroleum company based in Ortigas Center.